A love letter to myself 💖
Oct 21, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5h_Xf_5msWk

this is my story and welcome to it
[Music]
welcome to Saturday I just love saying
welcome to the next day anyways we are a
hot mess excuse my whole fluey
it's just yeah i'm just thrown together
today i'm just literally throwing it
together anyways so we have some things
to do today we are gonna be busy busy
busy but we will get everything done
that we need to do except for i am
taking these things back i actually I
don't even know if I should call Costco
or just go in I think I'm just gonna go
in tomorrow make up clearly I did not
wash my face since my makeup yesterday
yeah anyways but I am just having issues
with the my glasses when we ordered
these the guy was supposed to make them
as wide as my other glasses and he swore
that he did but I don't think you did
because literally my glasses
they've just been pinching my face and I
know that you have to get used to them
but there's a part where you just don't
think there's part of getting used to
and that's just so anyways so anyways
Elysa that we'll just take them tomorrow
and if they have to read to a different
frame for me then that's what they're
gonna have to do I definitely still want
to stay with this type of a frame look
because I really like it
but if I have to change because of the
width then I might have to go with a
little bit of a different for the with
part because I just I like to told him
are we in you a drink first or okay like
I told him I feel like they always want
to rest on the tip of my nose because my
face pushes it out and that hasn't
changed since I got him so we didn't get
that done anyways so I or in my head
didn't everything else but anyways so I
don't know we'll see what's gonna happen
I don't know if they haven't guarantee I
don't know stuff with these ones I
really hope I'm not for the sake that
the frames are just squishing my face
too uncomfortably so anyways that is
what we will do tomorrow cuz today we
got lots of other stuff that we have to
get done
so you just wanted to check in and say
good morning to my youtube fan no how do
I say that YouTube I'm killing it so
deal with that part anywho okay well I
will check him with you guys after we
get all eat his drink and figure out
what I'm going to drink not in my form
of life anyways so I hope you guys hope
you guys had a wonderful day I pretty
much okay
I pretty much sorry guys I pretty much
stayed at home after we went and ran
those few errands that we had to do um I
stayed home all day I just I just wanted
a down day just a day to be like I'm not
going nowhere I'm not doing anything and
I did not I caught up on some DIYs not
DIY sorry caught up on some shows and
then got some ideas for some DIYs
I got my oh I was going to show you I
got these from wish today I ordered him
a while back but I'm so glad they came
in time but um there are no stickers
they're just like the ones from color
Street Sam thank you guys a dollar
dollar what was a dollar with a dollar
shipping I don't know how well they're
gonna stand up I don't know I won't know
that anti apply them obviously but
they're so cute they're just little
snowflakes but I mean for a dollar you
can't beat it
like I'm I'm really excited to try them
and see how they work and then I did get
my white t-shirt but I don't think I'm
gonna be able to show you guys right now
because my hands are completely
preoccupied but I will show you even if
it's a type-a thought I wear it but I'll
definitely show you guys um what else
that was really in I really did not do
anything today like I said I really just
really just had a day where I just
lounge and I haven't had one of those in
a long time where I just lounge to
accept you know like I said this morning
we obviously went out for a little bit
but wasn't too bad and so yeah and then
that comes to what today is which is way
and day um and so I will insert that
here
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
I know so that's a total of three pounds
so because I went gained two pounds last
week and then a pound this week I am not
happy with it you guys I am really
frustrated with myself I clearly have a
clue what probably did it um and that's
probably from me drinking those coffees
from Dutch brothers because remember I
think I told you they were 389 calories
I did not know that and I drink
I'll see like four of them this week
maybe three maybe three maybe four I had
some a couple of the frosted mini
doughnuts let's see I think that's it
that I really just like bold like you
know just shouldn't have done but also I
have my knee that is swollen and that is
not helping in the circumstances at all
I think I probably didn't gain as much
as I thought I was gonna gain but that's
probably because I got out almost every
single day and did some type of walking
and usually my walking consists of at
least an hour if not more depending on
how many stores I go to so if I go to
too easily I can get in two to three
hours of walking if I go to one store
it's usually about an hour and a half
usually but I find walking in the stores
is easier than walking in the
neighborhood so I just do what ever
makes it whatever makes it the easiest
um but I was really frustrated with
myself I really really was and I was
kind of blowing on myself and just just
bummed do you know because I'm thinking
oh no no no no the skill is not gonna
start going up and it's
not gonna continue to keep rising this
is just not gonna happen
so I really sat and I thought to myself
like what do I need to do to be
proactive with this change the life
changed that the the whole purpose of
what I'm doing like what do I need to do
and you know I know I already know what
I need to do I need to go back to
calculating everything into MyFitnessPal
I think exercise wise I'm doing fairly
well beans that I am limited because of
my leg but also I'm not allowing myself
to just sit at home I do get up and I
have not been using the cart at all the
shopping cart unless it's an absolute
must and I mean it has to be an absolute
mess I go to get the cart and if there's
not one available I don't just sit in
the car because there's not a card
available I'll just say okay forget it
I'm just go so I'm I'm still gonna go in
so I do still get up and I still move
[Music]
what else
I think just my I mean even my eating
habits have been okay but what I think I
need to start really monitoring is my
fluid intake which would be my water
which I'd been drinking on this all day
yep and listening out the coffee's if I
want a coffee I need to figure out my
calories at home and make them here
because clearly I can control how many
calories are in each of my drinks and we
bought almond milk and stuff for a
reason so really I always look forward
to coming to you guys but something I
did today while I was sitting here and
taking some time for myself is I wrote a
letter to myself it's my from my inner
self to my outers
I guess you would say I don't know
really how that goes back into like uh
psychologically or whatever but I wrote
it as the inner me writing to not the
inner me but I guess the outer mean um
and I want to read it to you guys it's
truly my feelings right now and this is
what's been going on in my mind and this
is what's been going on sorry guys I had
to clean this makeup off my eyes is
driving me insane um but you know it is
stuff that I do deal with and I want to
share it with you guys and I think that
it's something that is worth reading to
you so I am going to read this letter
it's not very long but it's a little
long so bear with me if you don't want
to have to hear the flutter you can
fast-forward but it's definitely a big
heap too I think something that I'm
gonna really carry around with me and if
I have to read it over and over and over
then that's what I meant
for reminders of things that I wrote and
so yeah I'm just gonna read it and then
and I'm gonna try to get through it
without any upsets or anything like that
I have not actually reread this since I
was typing it I did not reread it so I
have not proof like I haven't reread it
before I'm sharing it with you guys so
this will be the first time I'm
rereading it from just typing it out
dear Amy this is Amy your best friend I
am writing this letter to you as your
best friend and nothing more I don't
want anything in return but you you to
be happy loved and have a life filled
with nothing but the best I know you
have been through a lot in your life and
I know there are days that you put on an
amazing fake smile and put your big
pants on and say everything is fine why
must you do that
why must you tell everyone something
that's not true
why do you have to be the happy Amy why
do you always feel like your needs and
problems don't matter or better yet why
do you feel like your problems will
weigh others down but you want to be
weighed down by others so they feel
better but you don't want to let every
anyone in to see you're hurting and in
pain too
Amy you have been so strong for so long
but it is okay to be a weak - it is okay
to say hey I need a hand and I know that
and I know that others truly care about
you and it's not just a show or a fake
mask that they're wearing just to get
you to get in and hurt you Amy I see you
struggling and I see you want so much in
life I see I sorry I see you want so
much in life I see you and your desires
to make life a difference for not only
yourself but for your children and your
husband I know you're wanting it and and
you're going to do it I know you will
you're a strong girl you have a strong
will when you set your mind to something
and I love that about you
Amy I am so proud of you
for all that you have accomplished so
far everything from losing 61 pounds and
not just the weight loss but you also
are healing your emotional part of your
body and that also has taken a huge toll
on you and here you are not giving up
not allowing these days that you want to
just say it is too much I'd rather just
eat my feelings and pains away you have
not pain away and you have not and you
have not you've gotten up to do
something about it and that right there
shows me you're not the same person I
have known for 37 years 36 years of your
life was controlled by addiction
addiction that wanted you dead it hated
you and although it made you feel good
to get you high for the minute it left
you one more inch closer to taking you
out of this beautiful world that carries
some of the most precious people on it
three babies that would be lost without
you Amy they they have ever only known
life to be with you their loving mommy
the mommy God chose for them and they
need just and they need you just like
you needed them to feel complete when
you have them Amy please keep focused
don't lose sight of what you're working
for
no it seems like smoke I know it seems
like small steps have been made and so
many more are needed but at that same
time those steps have made you travel
down some huge mountains and going and
you're going to continue and we're going
to continue helping you through and you
will go through them more you're going
to go through storms hurricanes and even
earthquakes but just think Amy you have
so much support behind you to help you
you're not alone you're not ever going
to be alone again because those amazing
precious gems that you have that call
you mommy and that amazing man that
calls you babe and all your friends from
all over the world will never allow you
to feel alone in fact there are now
waiting on you to update them on to
update them and of course you always
have me I am your inner mind
I am your inner body and I love you
dearly did you hear me I'm Amy and I say
I love you now stop and repeat that five
times to yourself cuz you just told
yourself that you love yourself that's
big Amy not many people can say that and
believe it but I believe it and I know
you do too
now take your shoes off sit back and let
life do its thing and be the guide for
it when you feel weak get up and look in
the mirror tell yourself I am beautiful
I matter and I will do this love you Amy
la baby now Nicole's right there I hope
you guys enjoyed this vlog take care I
will see you guys tomorrow
sweet dreams bye bye
